'Metal Gods' Author Reveals Rock's Inspirational Power

Asylum recently caught up with Mike Daly, author of "Time Flies When You're in a Coma: The Wisdom of the Metal Gods," to gain his insight on why the lyrical content of '80s heavy metal can guide and inspire us all.

What do you tell someone who writes off metal lyrics as the mad rantings of fully-grown juveniles clad in spandex? Let's look at the facts: They've traveled the world; they've made millions; they've communicated their messages to millions of fans; they've slept with some of the most beautiful woman in the world ... Needless to say they're doing something right, and the first rule of success is to model after someone who's already successful. Besides who are you gonna trust: Oprah or thousands of satisfied women?

What are some critical moments in a man's life when it's most important to turn to metal lyrics for guidance? Any situation dealing with sex, drugs, alcohol and the underworld.

Can metal wisdom be of help during less crucial moments -- like when a guy is brushing his teeth or trying to find a parking space? Yes, if he is also having sex, high and/or drunk, and communicating with Satan directly at the time.

What is the most life-changing metal lyric you have ever heard? "Talking to you is like clapping with one hand," from Anthrax's "Caught in a Mosh."

Who are the greatest of all time in terms of writers? Lemmy, Ronnie James Dio, James Hetfield, Jonathan Daniel from Electric Angels. These guys all have the ability to observe the human condition and share their insights with an audience in a way that is both entertaining and inspiring. If Wall Street should be listening to anything right now, it should be Metallica's "Trapped Under Ice." It's prophetic.

Can you make a distinction between the type of wisdom dispensed by hair metal and speed metal? Is there a philosophical rift between the wisdom of a Poison and a Slayer? There are distinctions in the world of Metal Philosophy, not rifts -- each simply has its own area of expertise. For example, if one were to need advice on what to do on a Saturday night or how to get a stripper into the sack, Poison, Faster Pussycat, and LA Guns are just the ticket. For dealing with Satan and the underworld, one would turn to Venom, King Diamond or Slayer. And for reflections on life, Ozzy, Dio and Electric Angels.

How do these songwriters compare to other pop culture self-help gurus like Tony Robbins or Dr. Phil? Well, Dr. Phil has a mustache so he's out, and though walking on burning coals is pretty metal, I'm pretty sure Lemmy could take both of them.

Is it advisable to take fashion advice from metal artists? The Metal Gods were trailblazers in the fashion world. I believe they would want people to model their independence, but not the literal fashion. However, the words should be taken literally.

What are the five most important lessons heavy metal lyrics teach us?
1) Every woman you meet wants to sleep with you.
2) It's always Friday night somewhere.
3) Louder is always better.
4) Violence has its uses.
5) Every rose does indeed have its thorn.

Wisdom of the Metal Gods
October 17, 2008 at 11:58:39 AM by D. Patrick Rodgers
A plethora of bizarre material crosses our desks here at the Scene on a regular basis. More often than not, the daily flow consists of albums and EPKs from artists like…hell, let me look around and I’ll tell you. Erin McCarley, Sun Domingo, Parenthetical Girls, Vivian Girls, Hootie. And those are just the ones that haven’t disappeared beneath press releases and Cream stickers yet.
But every once in a while, someone out there in the PR ether sends us a luminous sliver of solid gold. And what, without fail, is solid gold? Why, metal, of course. More specifically, the Metal Gods. Most specifically, Time Flies When You’re in a Coma: Wisdom of the Metal Gods.
The glossy, handily tiny book features an introduction from Michael Azerrad, famed author of Come as You Are: The Story of Nirvana and Our Band Could Be Your Life. After Azerrad’s brief but astute musings on the aggressive nature of metal, the book turns to author Mike Daly’s insistence, however tongue-in-cheek, that metal lyricists from Ozzy to Alice to Diamond Dave can help you achieve ultimate wisdom. The book is divided into four sections—“Meditations,” “Zen Questions,” “Daily Affirmations” and “Words of Wisdom”—that contain applicable quotes.
It's out Oct. 28, but you can check out some excerpts here. Hell, it’s more metal than shopping at Armani. (Via Buddyhead.)
Category: Wow

TIME FLIES WHEN YOU’RE IN A COMA REVIEW BY JOHN INCA
| posted October 22, 2008 | permalink Time Flies When You’re in a Coma by Mark Daly ☆☆☆☆☆
author: MARK DALY Non-fiction 144 pages Plume
       What an unbelievably stupid book this is. The premise: Metal gods, as they were known, like Ozzy, Alice Copper, Judas Priest, and even Lita Ford, not only rocked through the eighties like bats out of hell, but also answered life’s greatest philosophical quandaries in their lyrics. Heavy metal is high art, folks—this is the memo.
        The book is about one-hundred-and-fifty pages long. There is usually a full-bleed photo on the left-hand page, while on the right sits those tiny of nuggets of “wisdom,” which are usually no longer than ten or fifteen words long and have been set in a blood-red, gothic-y serif. That’s pretty much it. By the way, this book was manufactured then shipped on freight across the country. Well, here’s a quandary: At what point can a book be considered a crime against the environment?
         Anyway, here’s an example from the book. It’s from Black Sabbath’s “After Forever.” Guitarist Tony Iommi is featured in the photograph, though I have no idea why since he didn’t write the lyrics: “Perhaps you think that when you’re dead you just stay in your grave?” Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do. So does Salman Rushdie, who once said, “When you’re dead, you’re dead forever.” Ah! A really smart guy setting the record straight on something some idiot in some rock band said. Now there’s a book I might actually want to read.

BY RANDY HARWARD



It's about nothin' but a good time, and bein' a turbo lover. That's why 80s arena rock-a/k/a butt rock, cock rock, ass metal, hair metal, mousse metal-fell out of favor after dominating airwaves, MTV and stadiums for a decade. But arena rock wasn't all pap, was it? Was there not something worthwhile in the music, something to edify and uplift? Leave it to a Whiskeytown alum to find it: Mike Daly's Time Flies When You're In A Coma... The Wisdom of the Metal Gods (Plume) quotes lyrics like Shakespearean verse and Tony Robbins affirmations. Whether it's ironic or otherwise, it works to inspire and elicit laughs from the reader. So before you give metal a wholesale dismissal, heed the words of Ronnie James Dio: Don't dance in darkness. You may stumble and you're sure to fall.



***



WHY, WHY, SEE



The point of Time Flies... was to "goof on self-help," says Daly. It quickly became something else. While walking down 2nd Avenue in Manhattan, listening to a friend vacillate between indecision and resolve over a move to France, he said, "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice." Astonished, his friend asked if he'd just quoted Rush to her. He had, and he continued to quote metal lyrics to friends until, again talking with his 2nd Avenue companion, Daly wondered aloud about producing a one-a-day calendar of inspirational and hilarious metal lyrics. "She was like, ‘Oh my god. That's the greatest idea ever.' I laughed, but she was like, ‘No. Focus. This is really good.'"





PROPA-GAUDY



Which Bible for the moussed-out pouters and leather daddies did Daly read? "Ah, Hit Parader. I liked [HP] the best, and for no appreciable reason. Except for two things. Number one is that I bought a really cool earring [from its classifieds] that was a tooth. I thought that was the coolest shit ever, but now I'm horrified I ever had it. And the other reason was that HP had all the Mark Weiss photos, which is how I found him."





STALK PHOTOGRAPHY



Weiss-one of rock's famed shutterbugs-contributes scores of full-bleed photos from hair metal's heyday to Time Flies, and Daly actually tracked him down for the project. "As a kid, I loved his photos and then this guy I work with a lot said, ‘Oh, I know Mark Weiss.' I was like, ‘Oh my god. Alright! Let's do it." Surprisingly Weiss had never done a book. He enthusiastically supplied "twenty, thirty photos of each band. And they were all awesome."





AND JUSTICE FOR...



Daly's first concert was Metallica opening for Ozzy, but that wasn't how it was supposed to go down. Two years before, Daly won Duran Duran tickets on New Jersey's Z100, "but I convinced them to give me Van Halen tickets instead." His parents had other ideas. "They were like, ‘No fuckin' way.'" Daly was forced to sell the tix-at face value-to his dad's friend's kid. Walking through that parking lot at the Metallica show, Daly figured it was for the best ‘cause if his dad saw Van Halen's raunchy show, "there was no way they would ever let me go to another concert. But I always think, God, I could've seen [VH] with Dave in their prime, man...





PRETTY BOYS



Daly's ex-bandmate Ryan Adams famously embraces le roque du coque. Back in the Whiskeytown days, says Daly, "we used to listen to that shit all the time. One time Ryan bought a Pretty Boy Floyd tape at a truck stop, and we were cranking it in the van. And Caitlin, fuckin' flipping out, took the tape and threw it out the window. And I remember cranking Ride the Lightning in the back of the bus one night, me and Ryan jumping around-probably drunk-to "Trapped Under Ice" and the "Ride the Lightning." And then we get onstage and like, [sings softly] "Sixteen days..." Totally, totally funny. But we grew up on this shit and we were into it unironically.





TONITE: WHISKEYTOWN AT THE WHISKY!



Y'know, Whiskeytown actually sounds like the name of a Sunset Strip band. Daly does not dispute this. "Yeah, right?" The first time Whiskeytown played the Strip's notorious butt rock flashpoint, the Whisky-a-Go-Go, was a religious experience for him. "I remember that show, so clearly," he says. "This is the Whisky, man. This is where Van Halen started."





WHIS-DOM



People find inspiration and affirmation in Whiskeytown songs. Is there a Whiskeytown lyric Daly would put in his book? "There's a good question. I'll give you two. One is from "Under Your Breath": Sometimes I wish I were deaf/so I wouldn't have to hear what you said under your breath. And I always loved a line in "My Hometown": Whatever it takes/not to have to sway it on a classified ad. I always thought that was one of his greatest lines. In the context of the metal book, they're just words of wisdom."





GET YUKS, INFLUENCE PEOPLE



So, Mike Daly, do you sit in the lotus position and meditate on any of these nuggets? "In this day and age there's the Stryper zen question: They say money talks/If so, what does it say? That's a good one for the bond traders right now. And Anthrax: Talking to you is like clapping with one hand. The greatest insult the world doesn't know. That is so freakin' genius."





WISDOM OF THE EMO GODS?



Here's a scary thought: Where ass-metal was, but is no longer, the red-headed stepchild of the music world, what does that say for today's most hated genre? Will emo songs one day be held so reverently? "Absolutely, 100%, no-no-no doubt about it. When enough time has passed... I'm sure Pete Wentz will be the one putting out the book. That's definitely gonna happen." [laughs]





LIKE CLAPPING WITH ONE HAND



Time Flies...has been selling "real well." The reviews are raves, except one. "We only got one super-bad review. It's from LitMob.com, and the guy completely didn't get it. He just said, ‘What an unbelievably stupid book this is.' Like, how can I try to tell him that these guys have any freakin' insight? And as an example, he uses the Black Sabbath quote, Perhaps you think that when you're dead you just stay in your grave? [To which] he said, ‘Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do. So does Salman Rushdie.' It was so awesome. It was like my grandmother reviewed the book... and took everything completely at face value. As many great reviews as we've gotten... that's my favorite."